15 July means we are halfway through Dry July already! (Well almost, July does have 31 days). How quickly it has flown! They say time goes quickly when you are enjoying yourself, and I am certainly enjoying my new happy sober life 🙂

If you add the 10 alcohol free days I had before Dry July even started, that is a twenty-five day streak! I just can’t believe I have done that. Yes, me, the wino, who struggled to go one night without a (bottle of) Chardonnay. And it has been remarkably easy for me to do. I guess I have had a complete change of mindset, and I have been ready for that change.

(When I say easy, I need to add the disclaimer that it has been easy so far, and I don’t know yet the challenges to come. Going out for dinner, celebrating life events, etc, have not been on my radar lately, and who knows what will happen then).

Although the thought of being AF for life scared the dickens out of me at the start (I actually found it easier to put that thought out of my mind, and just concentrate on Dry July instead), now I am getting more comfortable with the idea. I can see alternative options to take in situations where I used to drink. It is a matter of breaking one habit and starting a new one. A better one. One that won’t kill me. One that will enable me to do all the fun things in life that I have planned, to really live.

I’m pretty excited about that. I feel like I am returning to the person I used to be. Like I took a wrong turning in life, realised it and did a u-turn, and now I’m heading back to where I was going.

“On the path of life, may you always take the right turn.“

Twenty-five days ago, I definitely took the right turn.

xx E

I’m just back from a fantastic walking weekend in the forest. We stayed in a rustic hut and went on day hikes during the day.

In the evening, some walkers cracked open a bottle of wine. I am pleased to report that I didn’t join in. It may have helped that they were drinking red wine and my preference is was for white. Or that I always took the opportunity of a weekend away to be alcohol free. Whatever, I never felt like a drop!

I did take the precaution of sitting at another table just in case a craving arose and someone offered me a glass. The cravings never occured. I think I could have sat at ‘the wine table’ quite safely. Instead I sat and chatted with others enjoying my hot chocolate, before climbing into my sleeping bag.

And, I might add, it was mostly the drinkers that snored at night! Another good reason to stop!

xx E

This is it – one month (a month with thirty one days!) without alcohol!

This will be the first time I have attempted a Dry July challenge. In the past I have always thought “no way, not interested in that!” That was my inner addict making the decision for me, before my conscious brain could think about all the advantages.

Now I have a new perspective.

I am planning on an alcohol free life. I figure that I have drunk enough alcohol for a lifetime anyway, even if I live to 100!

My reasons:

1. I am too far down the slippery slope of addiction. It’s time to jump off or slide further.

2. I am fearful for my health. I worry about the effects on my liver, gastrointestinal tract and kidneys. I worry about my increased risk of cancer, heart attack and stroke.

3. I can do much better things with my money. The amount I have spent on wine in the last year could fund an overseas trip. I want the trip!

4. I don’t want a lifestyle of being drunk on the sofa watching telly. I want to run, hike, ride, explore, travel, have adventures.

5. I want my son to be proud of his Mum, and my late husband to be proud too.

I know the only way to do this is to quit altogether, no moderation. It does scare me a bit, the forever part.

To think I’ll never have champage at my son’s wedding, for instance. But honestly, a chilled glass of elderflower tonic is just as lovely. And it will contain more love and commitment towards a wonderful future, than any champagne.

So Dry July, bring it on! I am ready for it, in fact I have already done ten days. As for the forever part, I’ll just take one day at a time!

xx E

Day 10 alcohol free! Double digits!

One month ago I would never have thought I could go ten days without my beloved wine. Now I see that wine in a new light, as a toxin that was turning me into someone I didn’t want to be. With that knowledge, stopping has been relatively easy.

I am now used to my new weeknight routine. Which goes like this: coffee, cook, chores, eat, hot chocolate, bed, read/write, sleep. Sober in more ways than one!

It just goes to show what a habit it became to sit down with a glass of wine when I got home from work each night. One glass lead to another, and another, and next thing the bottle was empty. All with nothing to show for it. Unless you count the depressing hangover in the morning as something of worth.

Now I have a healthier body, a cleaner house, and a positive start to the each day. Ten days in and I feel like the old me is coming back to life. I am optimistic for my future.

I am sure my success so far is because I am avoiding my computer and TV in the evening. This is when I used to drink, and drink mindlessly. Quaffing wine until the bottle was empty, and always being surprised how soon that moment came.

Now I go to bed early. No wine, hot chocolate instead. Some good reading for distraction until I get sleepy. It has felt like much needed self care.

However, I can’t live my life in bed! I am planning to start back at a computer project soon, just edging back into it, definitely no wine, slowly establishing a new routine around working on my project.

And if I start feeling like a drink, I’ll make a hot chocolate and go to bed!

xx E

Today was a great day out with my walking group exploring around the coast on a beautiful blue sky winter’s day.

Previously I have missed out on trips because I was hungover. What a shame – not just for being hungover, but for missing out on fun. Missing out on living!

All because of an evening of over indulgence, resulting in a groggy head and spending the morning in bed, all completely unmemorable, not living. Contrast this with awesome adventures, stunning sights, and the cheerful camaraderie of a trip outdoors. I know which one I prefer to be the story of my life.

Today the only time I thought of wine was when I first got home. Typically after a day out I would go down to the bottle store and get a bottle of wine for the evening, but not today. I just don’t want it anymore!

I bought some elderflower tonic at supermarket yesterday, and had that instead, served in the wine glass that I used to drink from. I had no cravings and didn’t ‘need’ a drink. I was just trying elderflower tonic for the first time. It was delicious and refreshing! Catherine Gray, author of “The unexpected joy of being sober” drinks it, and I was inspired to try.

But I am going to be honest, it felt close to indulging in wine again – same glass, same routine, just a different drink. I think I’m better to get out of the habit of having a drink at the end of the day, even if it is non-alcoholic. I can save AF drinks for when I have a craving or a social event.

Or have a tea or coffee instead.

xx E

Celebrating my one week soberversary today! I can’t quite believe it, and I can’t believe that I’ve started Dry July 10 days early – talk about keen!!

Also I am pleased to report that no wine was purchased at the supermarket this morning. (Well not by me anyway, other people might have!)

I’ve already noticed some positive effects of not knocking back a bottle of wine (or more) a day.

1. Eyes the whites of my eyes are brighter. Yip, I look fresh as a daisy!
2. Some of my jeans were getting a bit tight around the waist, to the point where I couldn’t wait to get into some trackpants. No longer! I feel less bloated and I’ve lost a few centimetres around the waist. My jeans are way more comfortable.
3. Getting up is way easier in the morning. Instead of groaning when the alarm goes off, I spring out of bed, eager to live a new day!
4. My Giant Pile of Ironing has gone! I attacked it instead of a bottle of Chardonnay, and now I can find things to wear in the morning. One stress of life resolved!
5. My kitchen bench is tidy. I often went to bed without doing the dishes. After a day’s work and a bottle of wine, I just couldn’t be bothered. Now I wake to a clean kitchen which has a positive impact on my day.
6. My house is cleaner! Drinking is a big de-motivator, non-drinking has the opposite effect and I have been attacking household chores more often.
7. I take better care of myself. When it came to brushing my teeth and removing my makeup before bed, sometimes I just Did Not Bother. (“…toothpaste would ruin the taste of my nightcap anyway…”) Now my dental and skincare routine is top notch!
8. I am eating better. I am more enthusiastic about cooking dinner and have been meal planning.
9. I remember what I have read! Yip, no re-reading of chapters because I have forgetten them the next day!
10. Probably most important: I have a new optimism about my life. I feel more motivated. I am feeling better about my future. In fact, I am excited for it!

xx E

In a previous life, (like, a week ago!) a usual Friday night meant stopping off at the supermarket to get a few things on the way home. Wine was always number one on the shopping list. Although really it was never on the actual list, it never needed to be, it was top priority on my mental list. And often the sole reason for going to the supermarket anyway.

I would usually get two bottles, the second one for ‘just in case’. If you have read the first post on this blog, you will know that it was inevitably opened.

This Friday my strategy is to go straight home like every other weeknight and avoid the supermarket altogether. I figure going on a Friday evening after a busy working week could be a catalyst to ‘accidentally’ cruising the wine aisles. So instead I am going to go bright and early on Saturday morning when I’ll have less desire for wine and a stronger mindset.

I was always an evening drinker, so Friday night is a good time of day to keep away. And I’ve never drunk in the morning, so I am unlikely to consider buying wine at that hour! (Oops, I forgot, I did have a glass of champagne on the morning of 1 January 2000 – the turn of the new millennium. I think once every thousand years is acceptable!)

Also, I have never had alcohol in the morning to reduce the effects of a hangover. I believe this is “hair of the dog”. It is basically refueling the addict in you. Anyway the idea of drinking with a hangover would make me feel worse!

How did it get the name hair of the dog anyway? Maybe one of my readers know?

Anyway, I’m quite liking this strategy of avoiding potential situations where I could relapse. I’ll try to apply it to other situations as well. I’ve already figured out a strategy for my first BYOW dinner, and some of the books I have been reading have given me a lot of ideas.

Speaking of books, I’m really enjoying “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray. She’s a great writer – witty, honest, and inspirational. I have another of her books out of the library and can’t wait to get stuck into it as well!

xx E

I did it! I broke my sober streak record, I have been sober for five days!

I’m making it sound like a wonderous achievement, but it has been remarkably easy. For instance, I didn’t even think about having wine last night. I just concentrated on my new routine and before I knew it, it was bedtime. Yip, 7:30pm!

Plus it is wonderful waking up without a hangover – I could (will) get used to this lifestyle!

Jason Vale talks in his book “Quit the Drink, Easily” about a final drink. Annie Grace also mentions it in her book “This Naked Mind, Control Alcohol”. (Which I finished last night, btw.) I was wondering when to have my final drink, as technically I start my sober journey on July 1st. But I don’t want to drink. I don’t feel the need. I’m actually a little bit scared it will undo a lot of what I have done. Besides – I would break my longest running sober streak!

As I write this on June 25, I will be 10 days ahead when I start Dry July. When I finish Dry July, I will be at 41 days sober instead of only 31. Why go back a step?

The good news is that you don’t have to take The Final Drink. It is more a ritual, marking the moment you commit and change from being a drinker to a non drinker. I’m going to make that moment last Friday night when I had my last bottle of wine. I can feel the shift in my perspective since then. I actually considered making that my final drink at the time, but wasn’t quite ready to commit to a zero alcohol life. Almost a week later I am, what progress!

I just want to mention that I am relieved to be on my zero alcohol journey. I am glad that alcohol is out of my life. I am already a happier, brighter, more positive person. It feels good.

xx E

Because I an committing to being alcohol free for Dry July – which is only a few days away – I am fully expecting myself to get a bottle of wine one evening soon, you know, before I am not allowed to.

Well I haven’t yet. Last night was a sober* one and I’m planning on doing the same tonight. Am I good or what?

(*Does anyone else else have a problem with the word ‘sober’ also meaning serious/not fun? I want to be ‘alcohol sober’ for the rest of my life, but no way am I going to be ‘not fun sober’. We don’t have to be all serious and uptight because we aren’t drinking. Remember when we were kids? Never needed a drop then to have fun, so I don’t need one now!)

I think the reason I am finding this alcohol free journey relatively easy to do right now is because of all the reading I have been doing. It has quite literally changed my perspective, and I don’t feel like I want to turn to drink every evening.

As a consequence of spending a lot of time reading, I have avoided my usual habit of sitting down in front of the telly or the computer in the evening, where I used to mindlessly guzzle wine. Before I knew it the dinner would be overdone, a whole bottle would be gone, and I’d be thinking about another glass.

Being mid winter helps too. My house is quite cold, so I tend to get dinner out of the way early, and rather than heat up the lounge I hop straight into my warm bedroom and read sober literature, which of course takes away any ideas of opening a wine bottle.

Gosh, my new way of living does sound sober, as in that other definition, but I am happy to keep things simple right now as I start on my journey.

Yesterday was a milestone – four days straight 100% alcohol free. It has been five years since I last had four days in a row. I know this because it happened when they found my husband’s tumour. I was terrified. Drinking went on the back burner. Unfortunately it wasn’t long until I found solace in wine again, only by then the need was stronger.

At the time I believed it helped me to cope, a classic case of our culture teaching us the wrong thing. Sure, I could numb my senses, but the reality was alcohol made it harder for me to cope, with the hangovers, anxiety and depression. Why did I make life even harder for myself?

Tonight will be five days in a row – a record. I’m feeling great. I’ve come far enough that I don’t want to break the streak.

E xx

The last couple of nights I have had great sleep. Last night – my third evening in a row with zero alcohol – was another story.

Lights were out at 9pm, but I woke at 11pm, 1am, then tossed and turned all night, dozing lightly between awake moments. I had really interesting dreams with amazing clarity.  They were all flashbacks from my past. Moments from my social life as an eighteen year old at university, as a teenager show jumping in local gymkhanas, then cross-country at the Olympics (I believe the Olympic part was television I had watched, but I was riding in my dream!), plus a wide range of topics that I can’t remember now, but I do remember that they had no connection with my recent life. These memories have literally been recovered from within the depths of my brain. I’m fairly sure these vivid dreams are a response to having zero alcohol. I don’t usually have dreams like this at night, more nightmarish worries in the dark.

Anyway, dreams aside, I have heard that sleep can be difficult when first giving up. Apparently this sleep deprived period passes relatively soon, as in 1-2 weeks. And the next phase is long nights of deep sleep like a baby. Bring it on!

Today’s takeaways from my reading:

Drinking doesn’t solve life’s problems, it delays them and can compound them. Grief cannot be fixed by alcohol. Alcohol can anathesise you to it temporarily, but it will still be there when you sober up. You will be even more unhappy, and you will be even further down the slippery slope of alcohol addiction.

Ask me how I know…

xx E